Reality is here to stay.

I realize I've been soaking myself in my "tuesday is love" mode too much. Even though I still love to do it every now and then. That's not the point, the point is, I caught with Reality today. I seem to neglect so much stuffs going around me. Okay, the point is that, being a Year 3 is no joke and no easy business at ALL! It's taxing and gobbling part of you each day, spent on working out the assignments to meet deadlines, to top it off, having members who don't seem bother, seem like a perfect recipe for doomsday.

Call it competition or whatever, I'm competitive by nature, all living things are, I can't stand myself letting go and let things flow. I like being in control and scored and do things well, given all my best to achieve all the results that I want to see. But sometimes, Mr Reality likes to offer you a glass of people-who-don't-work-hard-but-score-well shit, instantly, you are back to square one, stripped down with nothing but bruises and bleeding your self-esteem away such that it will flow till the last drop and you vanished. I'm totally disgusted by such an offer, totally and absolutely.

So much of those nonsense, I just want to motivate myself to work harder than what I'm performing now, cause I really despise the feeling of losing and I've been stuck there for sometime. I want an escape from all these roles and expectation that I've set and locked myself with, but without it, I called it Motivation, I think I'm worse off.

Right now, I just want to find my escape, be it a book/place/person/anything. Somethings or someone or somewhere I can be myself and free myself for a moment before catching up with Reality again. It's never easy, if it's ever easy, is not life. Right now, I'm going back to meet Reality and clear all the necessary stuffs before Reality comes after me and give me a slap in the face.
Loved and take care.

PS: Tuesday is still love. Oh, I think by far, this is the most interesting entry I've typed.